Old-School Thrills: An Ode to Amusement Parks

I'm obsessed with amusement parks. I love everything about them, from the shaky rides to the greasy food to the dreamy frenzy created by buzzing flourescent lights, shrill midway games, and the crushing of a sweaty crowd.

"Carnies" may get a bad rap in pop culture, but when you think about it, historic rides required a considerable amount of construction know-how. These things were made by hand, plank by plank. Case in point: this 1934 snapshot of workers putting the finishing touches on an attraction in Blackpool. The small figures, dwarfed by the wooden skeleton of the unfinished coaster, remind me of the iconic images of men building the Brooklyn Bridge.

If you share my fascination with freak shows, death-defying rides, and the sticky combination of nostalgia, Americana, and seediness, then you're in luck. The National Amusement Park Historical Association has compiled an extensive trove of info about shuttered parks.

My all-time favorite? That's a no-brainer. The Coney Island parks, of course. There are tons of cool things about Coney Island: Awkward boardwalk karaoke! Airbrush tattoos! Psychics! Fried dough dusted with powdered sugar! The Wonderwheel! Friday night fireworks (starting tonight)!

The best part, though, has nothing to do with greasy beachside fare or overpriced amusements: It's definitely the area's zany history. For example:

• Dreamland (an amusement park that was open from 1904-1911) was essentially a really glamorous freak show. The park featured an exhibition of incubators inhabited by live premature babies, as well as a Lilliputian village. Home to 300 midgets--most of whom were plucked from various Worlds' Fairs--the small-scale community attracted hundreds of thousands of gawkers. Other draws included a replica of the Swiss alps, imitation Venetian canals, and elegant white buildings illuminated by 1,000,000 electric lightbulbs. Unfortunately, said buildings were shoddily constructed from thin wooden planks covered with a plaster mixture. In short: some of the most flammable substances imaginable. A blaze tore through the park in May 1911 and burned the whole thing to the ground. 

• The Cyclone is a rickety wooden coaster that's been rolling since June 1927. It's one minute and fifty seconds of white-knuckle-I'm-about-to-hurl terror. (Ok, maybe that's a subjective opinion. In my souvenir photograph, the guy next to me is smiling like a loon and I am sobbing hysterically.) But in my defense, I'm not the only person who was really shaken by the ride. Time magazine quoted ballsy aviator Charles Lindbergh as saying, "A ride on the Cyclone is greater than flying in an airplane at top speed." (Note: you don't get a free drink or little packet of pretzels.) And in 1948, Emilio Franco, a West Virginian coal miner and lifelong mute, is said to have uttered his first words has the cars approached the first drop. They were, "I feel sick!" (Naturally.) 

• Built in 1884, the Elephant Colossus--a 34-room, 150-foot structure on the grounds of current-day Luna Park--offered visitors a panoramic view of the seascape from the inside of a tin pachyderm. Sadly, it burned down in the late 1800s. I bet modern-day proprietors could make bank on these accommodations. (Remember when hipsters flocked to houseboats?)

• Since 1983, the Mermaid Parade has heralded the start of summer by celebrating glitter, nudity, and synthetic costumes. Here's a guarantee: pasties and tassels abound. 

• How 'bout a swim? The Coney Island Polar Bear Club plunges into the Atlantic Ocean at 1:00 p.m. each January 1st. The are not enough wetsuits in the world to lure me into the icy water, but I salute this crew's sense of playful adventure!