DIY Disasters: Spray-Painting Glass

I thought I had this DIY project in the bag: Spray painted mason jars. Just mist that sucker and call it a day. What could go wrong?

This blog post from 100 Layer Cake convinced me that I could tackle this upgrade in just a few minutes. Perfect, I thought. A Friday night DIY. What a nice way to usher in the weekend! I'll spritz on some color, and boom: gorgeous wedding decor to check off the to-do list. 

Friends, that is not how it went down. 

Here's a play-by-play:

7:00 p.m.: Head outside to shake the spray bottle, which the shop clerk assured me would be a good choice for covering glass.

7:03 p.m.: Still shaking. Wishing I had stronger arms.

7:05 p.m.: Cover the picnic table with protective newspaper and burlap. Tape it down. 

7:06 p.m.: Turn the jars upside down, cross my fingers, and start spraying. 

7:10 p.m.: Remember that guy at the store said to keep the bottle about a foot from the jar. But it's dark out now, and I can't tell if the pigment is hitting the glass. Squint to see if it's working. 

7:15 p.m.: Decide the first coat should be dry by now. Get closer and apply another coat at full blast.

7:20 p.m.: Crap! First coat definitely not dry. Drips everywhere. Use my fingers to dry and smooth them out. 

7:25 p.m.: Fingers covered in spray paint and sticking together. Wait, isn't this stuff toxic? Am I going to be poisoned? 

7:30 p.m.: Google "spray paint on skin; will I die?"

7:35 p.m.: Decide that I'll make it through the night, but should probably wash this off. 

7:40 p.m.: Spray paint laughs in the face of soap. 

7:45 p.m.: Google "spray paint on skin; will it ever come off?" 

7:50 p.m.: Discover that olive oil is effective in scrubbing pigment off skin. (Bouns: I smell like bruschetta.) 

8:00 p.m.: Decide that I hate spray paint; leave the jars outside to dry overnight. 

8:10 p.m.: Have an asthma attack from the fumes. 

9:00 a.m.: Head outside to check on jars. In the harsh light of day, they look even worse than I feared. Scraps of burlap are stuck to the rims. Some parts are totally covered; other parts are totally clear. Curse crafting under my breath. 

So now I have these atrocities in my house and no idea how to fix them. According to one crafting site, I can sand off the less-pretty coats and start again. But do I want to go through this ordeal again? Fool me once, shame on spray paint. Fool me twice, I throw these things across the room. 

Another site suggests spray painting the inside of the jars instead of the outside. Maybe I'll try this approach--inhaler in hand.